Posts tagged ‘simple’

February 18, 2012

Am I wrong?

Nothing gets on my nerves more than people that try and make you live a life according to how they live theirs. I go to a church here on campus and I’ve been going for a little over a year. I have a member of the staff (which is just a recent college graduate that really had no motive to pursue anything beyond just graduating) which holds a bible study with me around once a week. At first he wanted to meet 5 out of the 7 days of the week, but there was no way I could do that with the busy schedule that I have.

Now to get things straight, God is a major part of my life. I wouldn’t be where I am right now if it weren’t for the blessings that I have received time and again. Now with these bible studies lately it’s been getting to be more of an interrogation of what I do everyday, who I hang out with, my schedule of what I do right as I wake up to right when I go to sleep. Not only that, but lately this guy here has been pushing me to spend more of my time trying to evangelize and be more like a pastor, and preach the word. I tried to explain that I’m here to get an education and to ultimately become an officer in the Air Force. But for some reason, he doesn’t seem to get how much sacrifice it is to be here right now both in terms of time and money. God gave me this opportunity to take what I have and make the best of it, but no matter how much I explain that school and ROTC is my focus right now he wants me to practically squander this chance and just further the ‘objectives of the church’.

I’m really confused right now, because no matter what I say he always has some bible verse or passage to denounce my goals and dreams. The more I think about it, the more it seems like a cult to me (this church). And I’ve never been in a situation like this before. It really sucks because I can’t argue with this guy. Basically everything I do is wrong, the people who I hang out with is wrong (and also he assumes that since they don’t go to his church that they aren’t true christians and aren’t saved and all of this nonsensical gibberish). Basically, just because I may hang around people that drink every once in a while that I’ll turn into a raging alcoholic or something like that. All I know is that my heart is right with God, but this guy is just really smooth and turning everything I do into something that will send me on a path to hell. Wow.

All I know is that God put this desire for me to help other people and to give my best in everything that I do. But what this guy says is that the ultimate goal is to spread to message to everybody and to become an evangelical preacher. What have I gotten myself into? Am I the wrong one? I miss the days where everything was simple…

December 31, 2011

The Simple Days

Every once in a while, I’ll have a dream. A really peaceful dream actually. I’m in a field, some sort of pasture and I’m free to run. Run forever and ever without a care in the world because there are no worries. The sun is bright, the clouds are high, the field is green. I could feel the cool air brush on my face as I’m running. Flowing through my hair and my clothes. Very surreal. I almost feel like I’ve been in a place like this before. But I never have.

Then I wake up and in an instant…everything is gone. I find myself facing another day, mostly of the same routines. I sometimes wish that I could fall back asleep and go back to that haven. That safe place where the monotony of this world is broken. But I can’t and I have to bring myself to wake up. I have to realize that maybe there isn’t a place like that. No where close to me anyways…

Hard to believe that another year is coming to a close. The Christmas tree in our living room is dim. The presents there no more. To be honest, I didn’t really feel a Christmas cheer this year. I feel like it’s just used as more of a marketing tool for many corporations to sell their products. It just feels like it lost that magic that made it such a special day. I remember when I was a few years younger the weeks leading up to Christmas would feel like I was in limbo. Christmas couldn’t just get here any faster! But this year, it just felt like another ordinary day…is this how adults feel about the holidays?

I was able to see War Horse today. And it was actually a touching story. Really enjoyed it. And I’m not really a fan of a boy-that-falls-in-love-with-an-animal type of story either. Looking a little past the story, I realized that before all of this technology that things used to be good and innocent. Everything was so much more pure. People were more open, more friendly. You could look into someone’s eyes and they would look back at you and smile.

Another show/movie that I watched recently was 5 Centimeters Per Second. I wanted to mention this one because reminiscing about life before computers and cell phones made me remember this gem of a story. The movie, in brief, is about this boy and a girl that are unable to share their feelings for each other. They eventually grow up and follow their own paths, but this movie was freaking heartbreaking. I was basically shouting at my computer the whole time for them just to admit their feelings for each other. And you know, I actually might have shed a few tears at the end. Or it could’ve been my contact solution. Yea, it was definitely the solution.

But absolutely stunning plot and visuals for both movies. But the point is that life before seemed to be more carefree. I don’t yet know if it’s just me growing up and moving away from the comforts of being just a kid or if it might be just the times. The internet may connect the globe, but does it connect hearts? I feel as if genuine kindness of the heart is harder to come by these days…but I’m not saying that it’s gone. You just have to search deeper, I guess.

Anyways, its officially New Years Eve now and I just wanted to get that off my mind. I don’t really mind if no one reads what I write. I just feel that it is soothing maybe even stress relieving to lay down what’s really on my mind every once in a while. So if you’ve happened to make it down this far, I thank you and I want to wish you a Happy New Year! New year, new beginnings right?

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