Posts tagged ‘memories’

April 14, 2012

Rain

The clouds are on the verge of spilling its tears. The sun has already fled from its post. The wind creeping ever so slowly through the leaves of it’s branches. The gray sky emitting barely audible growls. These are the days that I thrive in. The days that I feel most alive. These are the days that make me feel as if I have a home, away from home. It is dark. But there is something so familiar about this loneliness. Even though I am in the company of others, I am still alone. I’ve been here before, been lost in it’s wake. I’ve been lost, but also I’ve been found. Rescued from a life of despair. That is not my fate.

Although these days make me feel isolated, it brings me comfort. Why? I don’t really know. Maybe because it brings back memories of when my family was still together. Still happy. Not a care in the world. Back when things were simple.

I ran away from home once. Naive of me. I was only 6 at the time. It was a day similar to this one. It was raining and I just wanted to run away. Far away. I wanted to prove to my parents that I could take care of myself. I felt so free. Running through the empty streets. Only the splash of my footsteps and the rain hitting the metal roofs of the buildings as I passed them. Yet I also felt scared out of my mind. How could I do that to my parents? Make them worried sick? I came back and my parents were there for me. Gave me a big hug and I felt that nothing could ever hurt me. Being in the embrace of both of my parents. Nothing could ever hurt me.

Then my parents split. I was too young to understand it. But I did. Maybe I didn’t know what the exact reasons were. But I knew. From there my world was destroyed. We moved. I lost all of my friends as well as my family as we moved away. No one told me we would never be coming back. I grew up in a broken family. With one parent that truly cared about who I would be as I grew up.

Anyways, I don’t really know how much longer she is going to be around. So I want to keep every memory I have. Write it down. Now, why am I sharing this in the open? Well, I figured I would explain my name a bit more. Plus, although this may seem downcast, but you will never truly know who I am. I may walk past you one day and you would never know. And that’s how I would like to keep it. I’ve already lost too many friends, and I would prefer not to lose anymore. I’m just another person with another blog. Nothing special.

This is why I call rainy days home. It brings back that day when I felt so free. The day that I felt anything was possible. The rain washed away every fear that I had. Even today, it brings me back to that time. Where things were simple and all that was important was each other. It’s starting to rain now.

November 30, 2011

Time is Relevant

What the HECK!! Where did my break go?! I could have swore that I was just leaving for home yesterday. But NO, I’m back in this refrigerator of a home, doing everything I can to avoid going upstairs. I’m hearing a parrot or something equally annoying and the last time I checked, we didn’t have one of those. I try to avoid being home most of the time because I have truly eccentric roommates. But that’s a long story.

Have you ever had a song, that when you were down in the dumps, just lifted you into a better place? Well, that video up above is the song that have been keeping my heart beating lately. It’s not really an uplifting kind of tune, but an amazing song nonetheless. For me, all of my favorite songs are associated with some sort of memory that I have. Listening to them takes me back to days when the most stressful thing I had to worry about was which color Flintstones vitamin I wanted before my parents walked me over to school. Haha maybe not that far back. But definitely the days when our family lived together as a family.

I have never experienced this before, but I’ve had a really serious bout of depressive thoughts. Nothing way serious, maybe it was the weather, or leaving the comfort of home again, or just losing a lot of friends to the multiple paths that life has to offer. Waking up when it’s dark and going home when it’s also dark doesn’t really help either. This mood only lasted for a day or so, but to me it seemed like an eternity. It was kind of scary actually.

It made me think about time and why when things go wrong, even if it may be just for an instant, it seems like nothing will ever be right again. I remember once I made my dad so angry because he was teaching me how to grill. But I didn’t want to (being just 11 er whatever at the time) so I just threw the whole 5lb block of hamburger beef into the grill, under the rack thing into the ashes. Wow, I might as well have stepped on a land mine while holding two grenades in a village where the locals stone people for being sarcastic. I was in so much trouble since I practically threw away our dinner and it seemed like I was grounded forever. But it was only for like 2 days.

But when things are great, it’s almost as if they’ve never happened in the first place. I have to keep going through the situation in my mind in a sort of instant replay mode so that I can remember and cherish that memory. For example, once I was with a girl that I really liked. We hung out for a good amount of time; I couldn’t believe how great everything was going. But whatever, it was good. Never got to see her again though. But that’s all I have left, just a memory of a time where nothing mattered. I still have the scars from that whole grilling incident though, god that’ll be a constant reminder haha.

But anyways, I guess I’m deviating here again. The point is that when you’re just loving life, remember those memories because when it starts to get dark again, you’ll have something to look back to and lift you up out of that drudge. And to finish off with a quote from one of my favorite authors

““Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
― Dr. Seuss

(Oh, ps I don’t cry by the way. Something just usually flies into my eye at the most inopportune times :P )

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