Posts tagged ‘love’

September 22, 2013

To Fly Away

I just had the saddest yet most peaceful dream just the last night. Even if I would’ve passed away in my sleep it wouldn’t have mattered since I haven’t felt that reconciled with myself in such a long time. Anyways for some reason, in my dream, I decided that I would just stop everything and travel the world. And for some reason, the first place I picked was Russia but for whatever reason it was, it was beautiful. I was traveling with just a few friends and there seemed to be nobody on the roads. Absolutely nobody, almost as if I was discovering a new world. I was taken aback at how different the road signs and traffic laws were and the unnatural lack of people in the countryside.

Driving through this countryside and taking in everything that was unfamiliar was almost too much, but it was also a welcome getaway from all the pain that I have felt over the years. The pain that I have not had the chance to properly let go, just sitting there in the bottom of my heart building over the years. It was a welcome getaway, just me and a few friends (and both my parents, which was a bit odd). Anyways throughout the course of my dream, each person began to fade away one by one, and it was almost as if I had never known them in the first place. Eventually I ended up in a city by myself, on my own and I felt that this was what was planned for me from the beginning.

I began to realize that I was starting to feel a bit lonely being just one person in a bustling city (although nobody was there to keep it bustling). And I realized that there are some things that I just can’t do on my own. Even thought that that is how I have done things as long as I can remember. I would do anything than to accept that I needed help on something. I feel that when I do things myself and have that quiet time set aside for me, I know who I am on the inside and forgetting that is the scariest thing. It’s easy to forget your own values and morals when you are constantly surrounded by others.

But I also realized that you can’t reach your maximum potential if you don’t have the right person to complete you. Someone to hear you out when you’re down, to pick you up when you’re just too beat down to do it yourself. And in this city, when I felt that I could no longer do it on my own that person walked into my life and showed me that it’s more about doing things on your own.

However, this would have never happened if I had just dropped everything and left to find myself in another place. I feel that most of us live in a sort of daily routine which numbs us to the beauties that surround us every single day. For example, I live in a place with the Rockies as my view and the sunrise over the mountains is absolutely amazing, but I take that for granted now and it’s nothing special anymore. I only realized that because my roommate was talking about how awesome it was the other day and made me remember how awesome it really is.

I feel that if we break away from this routine of day to day indifferences we can truly realize that we live in an amazing world, and maybe, just maybe you’ll find that special person to share that with. And I guess, according to my dream, my way out of this cycle is to find a place where I’ll be thrown out of my comfort zone and have the courage not to come back. Anyways I’m starting to lose my train of thought here. I tried to write this as soon as I got up, before I forgot but I keep getting distracted and daydreaming. I almost wish I had never woken up.

birds

April 2, 2013

First Rain

velvetrain

These are absolutely the days that I thrive in. It’s finally the season where the snow has turned to rain and I couldn’t be any happier. There’s just something about a rainy day, the overcast skies, and the constant patter of the rain on the window that makes me feel in a place that is so distant from here. I close my eyes and I am instantly transported to a place that might as well be heaven, or something close to it anyways. These kinds of days are the ones that allow my mind to wander and think about things that I wouldn’t normally think of. And speaking of rain, here’s another poem that I found from high school about rain.

No. 5

The rain began to fall

He lay there, unmoving

Unable, bleeding, dying

The cool summer mist

Blanketed those, fallen and broken

As the rain fell

He thought of why he was there

The interests of others

With their pristine gloves

And their self-absorbed wants

The rain grew heavy

He could feel the anger building

It was not his fight

Although the rain was cool

The blood was warm

The tears grew heavy

He would go home soon

Vision blurring

Fading

Into blackness

He thought of her

One last time

As the rain washed away the pain

And remembered

Why he was here

.

And there you have it! Hopefully you enjoyed. These kinds of things are definitely harder to post, since they are of my own feelings (in a raw form), but I feel that it may be of better use here than in my notebook. You all have a great rest of your day :)

February 6, 2012

My Reason, My Desire

Nice to see that wordpress changed up a bit in the short time I was gone. Wow! Thank you to everyone that has stopped by! Haha, just stopping by here totally made my day :D I’ve been just pressed for time lately and school has been keeping me a bit stressed, but what can you do? Some stress is good for you I guess haha. Anyways, I had a few minutes and I just wanted to share with you what has been on my mind lately. I just made this and I hope that you will enjoy!

Without the sacrifices of the men and women as these, we would not be here today. At least I know for sure I wouldn’t. Thank you once again for your amazing words of support! I’m going to have to keep this one short before I head back into the thick of things!

January 24, 2012

Cross-Roads

 

Every one will eventually reach a crossroad in their life. Sometimes, the decision on which path to take is clear cut, but other times it can be a life changing one. As I sit here, mid-homework, I realize that I’m about to come to one of those cross roads. But before I go further into that I just want to reflect on who I am, and how I got here.

I was always the quiet kid. I was always that one kid that would rather be left alone. The one that always sat in the corner. Maybe it was just me trying to cope in a life without a father. I was only 5 or so at the time, but it was a dark time for me. Scary too, since I just moved to the United States not long after. (Most people don’t know, but English is my second language.) Anyways, it was in these times that I was trying to figure out what love truly was, what friendship could bring to a person. My mother (who is the most wonderful person in the world by the way!) was the person that first taught me that friendships have no boundaries. Being young at the time, and going through a stage of life where kids are first to judge on appearance rather than substance of personality, most kids didn’t really want to have anything to do with me. All because I didn’t have the same hue of skin color and ultimately didn’t look like them. I didn’t mind, but on the inside I did. All I wanted was to have a normal life and for people to accept me.

No boundaries

As I grew and finished elementary school and started to progress through middle school I made some friends here and there. I was lucky because these were the friends that were always by my side, no matter what. I still hang out with them even today from time to time. It was a little surprising because being thrown in a new country and what-not I had no idea what to expect or even what a normal life would consist of. I mean there was nothing wrong with me, except the fact that I had no family. Except for my mom. Bless her soul. She was the one that helped me become the person that I am today. She taught me that true friendships have no boundaries, and that happiness is a mode of transportation. Not the destination. Because of these two little pieces of invaluable advice, as well as a whole lifetime of others, I was able to break myself out of that self-doubt and truly live the life that was meant for me.

Happiness is a key point in my life. I always wondered why I was never happy growing up. I was never happy as a kid. Maybe because I was missing half of my parenthood. But that person is out of my life now, he never had anything to do with me and that’s fine. We move on. That’s just how it goes. Happiness is just a matter of how you look at things. The fact that I’m breathing right now, and that I’m relatively healthy is enough for me. One thing that I found though, in order to be happy, is that you have to accept yourself. Nobody’s perfect. I can’t stress that enough. I looked past all of my insecurities and realized that I was much stronger than I had previously thought to be. I was able to become familiar with a majority of the students in my highschool enough that I was voted Prom King senior year. I never thought in a million years that that would have happened to me. I would definitely be the last person on my mind that would’ve won something like that. It’s usually all the football players that get nominated for that stuff. But just being myself was the key. The football guys actually voted for me! Not only that, but I finished high school ranked 4 out of 289 with a cum gpa of 4.5 (Not that that kind of stuff matters in college anyways.) But I’m not trying to brag, the point I’m trying to make is that you are the captain of your own life.

It's all you.

You choose where you want to go. And attitude really goes a long way. Knowing that you will be happy will be significantly more successful than hoping you will be happy. It’s all up to you.

Considering that, I’ve also learned that we are all human. It doesn’t matter our skin color or ethnicity or religion. We are all of the same flesh and blood. Why we go/have gone to war over trivial details as those is beyond me. We’re all living this life together. And there is no reason to make it harder for each other. It truly saddens me to know that there are still racial issues around the world, and although I may have not have been victim to a stoning or lynching or any other thing as horrible as that, I still know the pain of being alienated. It’s truly a sad thing.

On another note, I’ve also seen the good that humanity has to offer. There are still good people out there. Definitely harder to find nowadays, but still there nonetheless. I’ve had the good fortune to be raised by a strong woman and to have continuously met others as I have gone through my own trials and tribulations. And I just want to give thanks to those people, even though they’ve moved on with their own lives and may never read this. Not only that but, I also wanted to thank all of the people that I’ve met here too. If you’ve made it down this far, you guys are definitely keepers :P But really, I created this blog with the expectations of me being the only reader and that this would be a place where I would just keep my own memories for memories’ sake. So thank you for your unbridled support.

Anyways, so back to where I am now. I’ve reached that crossroad, and I’ve made a decision. I will become an officer in the Air Force as soon as I graduate. The training for it has already started for this semester (AFROTC) and it’s going to be tough. The road seems uncertain because there are so many others that have chosen to walk this path that I have chosen. This is the semester that will make or break me. Looking back, it was the kindness of other people that has gotten me this far and through this kindness I’d like to give something back. So wish me luck! I’ve already had a few honors being in the program but it’s all about the grades now. So here’s to a productive semester, which means that I may have to give up this blog for awhile…at least until I know for sure. So once again, I thank you for making it with me this far and inspiring me with all of your posts! You guys have had a real impact on how I view things, and that is a gift far greater than any tangible object. And don’t forget, it’s because of the sacrifices of people like Jim (see photo below) that we are able to say the things we do, without any fear or threat of consequence. So remember, that one day, that kid that you never knew may be the one that will give the ultimate sacrifice so that you can stay comfortable in your homes and share your thoughts with others. There’s no need for hate. Especially when we’re all in this together.

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