Posts tagged ‘hope’

September 15, 2012

Sunset

The air hinted of Autumn. The breeze, of Winter. The sun dimmed as it gave one more effort before finally retiring to the cold emptiness of the night. Lights dotted the landscape, stars dotted the sky. An owl hooting off in the distance, somewhere in the forest. Someone coughs, lungs full of smoke, somewhere in the city. The barren empty city.

The man lay  there, in the grassy opening. Every breath becoming harder to take in as the minutes passed by. He thought of his life up to this point, touched the wound under his blood stained shirt. He winced not only because of the sharp pain in his chest, but also because the feeling of regret that burdened his mind. There were so many things that he had wished he had done. Things that he wished he had said. But as his pulse grew weaker, his vision fading, the only thing that came to his mind was a bitter cold.

He wished that he hadn’t been so ignorant, so stupid. He thought of his home, the familiar smell of his grandmother’s cooking. All the times that he had played with his siblings. Then those dark days, when his grandfather was on his dying moments. He still couldn’t hide the pain when it came to his sweet grandfather. So heart-broken was he that his parents had to pick him up from his grandfather’s tombstone. They had thought he had run away, but he had been by his side, out in the cold for one full week. Hungry, tired, sad. But without any strength. He thought of those days.

The brisk air brought him back to his senses. He knew that there was no hope. He had always wanted to grow up making a difference in the world and knew that it was a big, foolish dream at that. The silence of the night brought him a form of comfort. Silence, the only place where he was able to gather his thoughts. Find out what kind of person he truly was. He started to feel warm. Vision started to fade. The breeze flowing over the long grass in the field, gave him the sensation of flight. He took one more full breath, knowing that things would be better for him. And closed his eyes.

September 8, 2012

The Great Getaway.

The weekend was a much needed reprieve from the harrows of the week prior. It seems like every single day was a week in itself. But oh well. My roommate had to go out of town to attend a wedding meaning I had the house all to myself today. For once I had the luxury of being able to just enjoy the silence. Not going to lie, I did absolutely nothing today. And I liked it. But these days don’t come around too often, so I was just taking advantage of the opportunity before things began to pick up again.

So in the solitude that I was able to find for myself I thought about the things that have been on my mind lately. Being an upperclass cadet literally means that I have to be the embodiment of leadership. I have a pretty sweet responsibility of being a role model to all of the incoming freshman and even the sophomores and everything we get taught in our class has to do with the L-word. Leadership. Everything we do is always under constant scrutiny and we are expected to set the bar higher and higher all the time, by our cadre (-our professors) Just by knowing all of the different aspects and ways to apply it in everyday life. There are literally countless ways to be a leader. Everybody is a leader in some way or form. The key being how to be an effective leader. I can practically tell you all of the traits of a good leader, but it’s the execution which is the hardest part. It definitely does a number on you after awhile and I’m starting to feel burned out by it. And it’s only the 3rd week of school!

I’ve been just a tad bit down lately also because I haven’t been to church in a bit now, especially after breaking away from the one I was in last year. I’m still looking around for a good one, but until then Joel Osteen has got my back. I tend to post when something is bothering me, and I find that to actually help me out. Not only because I get to vent, but also because I get to realize how much my problems are nothing compared to some others out there. It helps me to realize that I could be in so much more of a worse situation. But I also like to post because I may never know who my words reach out to. I am definitely optimistic in that someone may be able to take these words to heart.

I know because I found myself in that exact same situation years prior. I was definitely at a dark time of my life, but the kind words of some stranger absolutely changed my view of how I perceived my situation and how that although things may have seemed bad…nothing is permanent. Where you are in life can only be determined by, well, your own determination. And looking back, I have turned 180 degrees and come to a point in life that I never would have imagined myself to be in. So I just wanted to point out that it’s not impossible. There are others who need help and that you can be that help for someone out there. And I’m not just talking about blogging.

Take a few extra seconds to hold that door for the person behind you, throw in a few smiles here and there. People love smiles, trust me they do! Especially in today’s world, which seems to be dominated by news of people dying here or riots there. Wars over there, and people getting cheated on over yonder.

I may have used this one before, but I just love this picture!

I really have no idea what happened to this post, considering that I was just going to complain about how busy I was…but looking back, I really can’t follow the thought process, but I have to say I like how it ended up. (I never draft what I’m going to post, I just sit down and let my mind wander and take me where ever it wants to go, hence the lack of a coherent thought pattern). Anyways, I thought I’d share that before school started picking up again and I lose myself in my own thoughts again!

July 20, 2012

My Attempt at Poetry

The pale moon floats in the sky

I wake up in the dead of night

These are the nights that I despise

Where there is no hope, no light

It is always Dark

Countless thoughts

Afraid I’m the only one

In this struggle

That can not be won

It is always Dark

Desperate, looking for hope

Unlike the man on the docks

I search for Solace

In the glowing box

It is always Dark

What is so important

About the ills of One

I am nothing but a lie

Hiding a heart nearly gone

It is always Dark

But in the fires of a forge

Impurities are banished

And if not for my self

Then maybe for others

May I be a light

[So I’ve been trying to clean up my room (which should have happened a long time ago) and I happened to find this in one of my notebooks that I had saved from high school a couple years back. I’m pretty sure this was my Language Arts notebook…It definitely wasn’t the Math one (It’s too beat up to tell what’s written on the cover :/). Anyways, it seems to be something that I wrote while our class was on the topic of poetry. So there you have it, one of my first attempts at poetry…Please, don’t laugh too hard.]

November 30, 2011

Time is Relevant

What the HECK!! Where did my break go?! I could have swore that I was just leaving for home yesterday. But NO, I’m back in this refrigerator of a home, doing everything I can to avoid going upstairs. I’m hearing a parrot or something equally annoying and the last time I checked, we didn’t have one of those. I try to avoid being home most of the time because I have truly eccentric roommates. But that’s a long story.

Have you ever had a song, that when you were down in the dumps, just lifted you into a better place? Well, that video up above is the song that have been keeping my heart beating lately. It’s not really an uplifting kind of tune, but an amazing song nonetheless. For me, all of my favorite songs are associated with some sort of memory that I have. Listening to them takes me back to days when the most stressful thing I had to worry about was which color Flintstones vitamin I wanted before my parents walked me over to school. Haha maybe not that far back. But definitely the days when our family lived together as a family.

I have never experienced this before, but I’ve had a really serious bout of depressive thoughts. Nothing way serious, maybe it was the weather, or leaving the comfort of home again, or just losing a lot of friends to the multiple paths that life has to offer. Waking up when it’s dark and going home when it’s also dark doesn’t really help either. This mood only lasted for a day or so, but to me it seemed like an eternity. It was kind of scary actually.

It made me think about time and why when things go wrong, even if it may be just for an instant, it seems like nothing will ever be right again. I remember once I made my dad so angry because he was teaching me how to grill. But I didn’t want to (being just 11 er whatever at the time) so I just threw the whole 5lb block of hamburger beef into the grill, under the rack thing into the ashes. Wow, I might as well have stepped on a land mine while holding two grenades in a village where the locals stone people for being sarcastic. I was in so much trouble since I practically threw away our dinner and it seemed like I was grounded forever. But it was only for like 2 days.

But when things are great, it’s almost as if they’ve never happened in the first place. I have to keep going through the situation in my mind in a sort of instant replay mode so that I can remember and cherish that memory. For example, once I was with a girl that I really liked. We hung out for a good amount of time; I couldn’t believe how great everything was going. But whatever, it was good. Never got to see her again though. But that’s all I have left, just a memory of a time where nothing mattered. I still have the scars from that whole grilling incident though, god that’ll be a constant reminder haha.

But anyways, I guess I’m deviating here again. The point is that when you’re just loving life, remember those memories because when it starts to get dark again, you’ll have something to look back to and lift you up out of that drudge. And to finish off with a quote from one of my favorite authors

““Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
― Dr. Seuss

(Oh, ps I don’t cry by the way. Something just usually flies into my eye at the most inopportune times :P )

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