Posts tagged ‘future’

March 25, 2012

Nightmares

Lately I’ve been having nothing but nightmares. One after another after another. I don’t really know what the reason is. And they’ve definitely started after experiencing that sleep paralysis last week. They’ve been really vivid too. Almost as if someone fixed the projector in my mind that creates these nightmares and set it to crystal clear, 1080p. They’re not the really abstract ones either but really personal ones. Such as losing a close family member, about a friend that I haven’t seen since I was a kid, and failing at my responsibilities to name a few.

I know I’ve recieved really good news earlier this week but I still can’t help worrying about the future. Money is definitely one of those worries. It’s not so much me, but how much my mom has sacrificed to help me be where I am. In just a matter of years…her whole savings for retirement just withered up, to help me. Now she can’t take any vacation for herself or even get the Baja transplants to help aid with her hearing (she lost one side as a result of her brain surgery).

Not only that but we hired a lawyer to help find my dad so that he could help with some of the payments as stated in the divorce files. It turns out that the lawyer practically ripped us off. What pisses me off is that she took advantage of my mom because she has an accent, being from Korea. And I couldn’t do anything because I couldn’t go with her to those meetings to make sure nothing like that would happen. I’ve never felt this helpless about a situation.

Also I’ve always walked a different path then a lot of my friends. I look at them and wish that I had their life sometimes. So carefree and having the time of their lives, while I slave away doing school work and giving up a lot of freedoms that most people have. I can’t help but feeling alone sometimes. But hey, maybe I’m getting a little too deep here. Life goes on. And around here actually caring about things is a characteristic of being weak. Fuck that, having feelings means you’re human in my book.

Just a little song that’s been on my mind for the past week or so. Can’t get it out of my head, with it being a really sad song actually. Oh well, I hope that things will start to turn around for my mom at least. I should probably get some sleep actually, hopefully no more nightmares for a while.

March 23, 2012

The sun is finally shining!! Soo Warmmm. (+The Sunshine Award)

I’ve been putting this one off for a while, but today is a good day. I can’t exactly put my finger on it, but I couldn’t have a care in the world right now. I know this probably sounds stupid, but just breathing is such a blessing. Being alive, with the prospect of a great future and living up to the standards I’ve set for myself. I saw a picture not too long ago with the question “If your 5 year old self saw you today, would he/she be proud?” I never really considered that, but knowing what I know now and where I am at the moment, I would say yes.

I’m a real people person, although most of my friends would say that I’m pretty quiet. What?! Haha. But no really, I have met some amazing people along the way and that’s what keeps me going. That being said, I would like to thank Lady Barefoot Baroness for nominating me for the Sunshine Award. Haha, I never really thought of myself as being a ‘sunshine’ type of person. Now LBB first responded to a prayer request that I had a while back about some family stuff and my potential future. I was actually really touched that anyone would respond to that. Ms. Baroness is pretty much like a second mom to me haha. Always telling me to stick to what I believe in. Oh, lord yep definitely like a second mom. Anyways I thank her stickin with me and recognizing me for this award. Your prayers have definitely been heard judging from the circumstances that I’m in right now.

Alright so the Sunshine Award is supposed to be given to “bloggers who are inspirational, and who have impacted your blogging or your life.”

That’s awesome knowing that there are others that think I’m inspirational! Sometimes I can’t even inspire myself to get out of bed.

Anyhow, oh god here we go…so the rules:

  • Include the award’s logo in a post or on your blog (I put the alternate pic, hopefully that’s ok)
  • Answer 10 questions about yourself
  • Nominate 10-12 other amazing bloggers
  • Link your nominees to the post and comment on their blogs, letting them know they have been nominated
  • Share the love and link the person who nominated you.

So the questions:

Favorite Color: Sky Blue

Favorite Animal: The Cheetah (So fast…)

Favorite number:  5 (my hs soccer jersey number)

Favorite non-alcoholic drink: Root Beer (Can’t get enough haha)

Prefer Facebook or Twitter?  Facebook

My passion:   Making videos for my YT channel (although lately…got nothing)

Prefer getting or giving presents:  Giving (I don’t really like to be put on the spot when getting gifts, plus I’d rather see someone else’s face light up :P

Favorite pattern:  Oh…uh cool ones?

Favorite day of the week:  Friday, and just guess what today is!

Favorite flower:  I don’t have one actually…considering they just seem to flare my allergies :O Darn them.

And so for my nominations (in no particular order) : And I realize that I don’t have 10-12 nominees so to make up for that I’ll throw in why I chose the people that I did.

Lazy Happy Bored Happy Sad… – Okay so Wilhelmina definitely likes to throw out sarcasm whenever necessary. I love sarcasm and I love to laugh…so why not!? Anyways, being an engineering student (I can only imagine…I started out as one) and being able to retain a sense of humor is absolutely boss. Definitely have my respect :P

Alphabravoecho – So lately, the posts I’ve been reading have been taking me places I thought never existed. Things my imagination can only fathom. Alpha is super down to earth, humble about what he does and has been one of my first readers. I appreciate that. Keep safe man.

PURE INSTINCT – Oh lord, so where do I start. I don’t even know who this is…HAHA just kidding! Alright so, Aix is super nice. Cool person to talk to, really down to earth and funny :P One cool fact, I was able to witness her blog change from generally putting a damper on my day to posts that’ll put a smile on my face. Amazing change. Besides that, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her go through 20 different themes one day…I’m exaggerating, okay 19.

wittytruth – Every post that wittytruth puts up, you can just tell that a lot of thought and work was put into sharing the message with everyone who would care to stop by and take a look. Always covers everything from every possible angle and manages to find the silver lining in every situation. That takes skill and a good outlook on life. Really makes you wonder what the more important things in life are.

Sitamar – Every post I read from Sitamar, I am reminded that the world is not always a carefree place. However, I also have learned that from her that kindness can be found in any person if you search for it. Sitamar, is probably one of the most kind-hearted people I have had the opportunity to talk to. And I am constantly reminded that there are struggles every day, but it really takes a noble, gold hearted person to overcome those struggles amidst the darkness time and again. So thank you for that, I mean that.

somesummersunday – SSS always brings a smile to my face. Even when I’m having the most crappiest of days, just reading the stuff that she writes about…incredibly hilarious. If I had even a tenth of her ability of being sarcastic/hilarious…oh the possibilities. So thanks for brightening my days through the winter until the sun actually came out :)

thacourtjester – Jester isn’t afraid to voice his own opinion on various topics, which I admire. Always posts really insightful stuff. Haha, I also picked him so that I wouldn’t be the only bad-ass-dude with the ‘sunshine’ award. Haha, just kidding, I don’t really mind. Keep strong bruh!

January 17, 2012

The House of Usher

This last sunday, I was able to get a pretty rad (yes rad) deal on this one book I found at Barnes and Noble’s. The book happens to be the collective works of Edgar Allan Poe and includes all of his short stories and poems that he penned during his lifetime. And all of this for 8 dollars. What the fudge?! They were practically giving it away. And it’s like a thousand pages! I was so excited! I’ve always loved the works of Poe ever since I first read The Tell-Tale Heart in middle school. The stories were so twisted, so dark. I loved it!

And now, I have everything that he wrote and I can’t wait to get started, mind you. And there’s only one thing standing in my way. School. Sadly, it has begun again…and it’s definitely going to be one heck of a semester. Well at least I’ll be able to read about Amontillado, the Pendulum, and Lenore to help ease the transition back into my own house of Usher. Haha, when I read through it again I was a bit surprised at how accurate of a description of my house that the story had. Everything was practically down to the dot, except we don’t speak in old english. Just take a look at the picture I took of my house earlier today!

Just kidding, but close enough.

Oh well, at least I’ll have something to do in the meantime. On another note, I’ve reached a little milestone of just over 1000 page views today. I was really surprised in that in my own little goal of starting a blog, I would never have imagined it getting over 50 views considering the quality of my (mostly) pointless stuff. So thank you to everyone still with me!

I was definitely bummed to leave home again, to have to leave all of my wonderful family behind. However I find comfort in writing (especially when I’m away from home) because it lets me reflect on how I feel and lets me put down all of the great things I have to look forward to. So I really don’t mind if you don’t read these because it’s mostly a way for me to cope with whats around me. But it’s all for the better and one day I’ll look back on this and realize that it was all worth it. Now that I’m back though, and in the company of my estranged/eery roommates, I’ll definitely have more to write about. For sure, but first I got to stay focused because I am way too easily distracted. Especially with all of the other way amazing blogs out there.

October 29, 2011

It’s what you make it.

So I’ve been thinking about where I want this blog to go for a bit. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to pour myself out and expose my own weaknesses and insecurities to people that I don’t even know. It would seem like a dumb idea, but there are others out there that may need to hear what I have to say to possibly relate, because you never know. A friendly hello can change a persons life. I’ve witnessed it. Either that, or keep up my lame attempts at sarcasm, because we all need a good laugh every once in a while. I know I do. Laughing makes everything bearable. Well, most things anyway.

So after some deliberation, I’m going to keep going with the funnies. Or try to anyways. Life is way too short I realize, and there are enough things to worry about. If I constantly made a big deal about the things that I didn’t have then the list would never end. I could complain about not having money. But that’s nothing compared to living…no, surviving in a third world country. I at least have food that I can readily eat, a shelter over my head and the comfort of knowing that I don’t have to fend for my life every single day. No matter how bad your situation may seem, there is always someone in a spot worse than you.

I know it may seem childish or even impossible, but my goal is to help out as many people as I possibly can, in any way possible. We’re all people, we all go through similar if not the exact same things. I know funds for me may be low at the moment but like I said…in any way possible. For example, through this blog. I know it may be little and maybe even stupid but I’m building up to it. If I can bring a smile to even one person who happens to read this (not necessarily this post), then I’m on the right path. Laughter is such a powerful medicine. And in this technology crazy world, it seems the only way I can reach people is through the medium that dominates our lives. How many times have you walked through a crowded place and realized that no one is smiling anymore? How many times have you walked somewhere and never even once thought of taking a deep breathe and looking up towards the warm sunny sky, knowing how precious life is?

So I may seem like someone that doesn’t take into account about what others think, or how they feel. But that is the exact opposite for me. I guess you have to lose something to realize how important it is. I almost lost my mom, who happens to be the best mother a person could ask for in this world. The amount of support that she has given me is unimaginable. She kept both of us strong even through a divorce. Her ‘never give up’ attitude and her incredible faith in God is the reason that I’m here today. She defeated a brain tumor classified as ‘large’ on June 23, 2006, two days after my birthday. I don’t even want to know where I would’ve been if things had turned out differently…But it didn’t and today she is 110%. You wouldn’t even know she had the surgery.

So anyways, that’s what my short term goal is. To make you (yes, you) [really…you] smile. Because time is short and all we can do in this world is make the best out of everything. Your life is what you make it. And with a little faith yourself, you can definitely make it.

Look at the sky every once in a while!!

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