Posts tagged ‘dreams’

July 27, 2014


I don’t know what it is. But this last week I haven’t been able to sleep. It’s not that I can’t sleep but its what I fear when I do. There are just so many nightmares that I’ve been having and every night I stay up until I can’t anymore so that I can stay away from facing those nightmares for as long as I can. It’s really affecting how I am throughout the day because I can feel that I am a lot more irritable and easily tired. I just want to sleep but I don’t want to face the sadness when I do.

March 21, 2012

Red Letter Day

Okay, so I don’t even know where to start right now. I’m so ecstatic I can barely contain it, let alone sit here in front of this computer to type it up. Haha, alright so just to give a little heads up into my situation before delving in…I am in Air Force ROTC right now. Basically how it works in college is that your first two years is kind of like an active resume building for ROTC. Basically a chance to prove yourself to the detachment why you are a good candidate to be an Officer in the United States Air Force. The summer of your sophomore year, you go to Field Training which is the equivalent of basic training for officers.

Anyways, not everyone gets to go to Field Training. Like I said, that ‘resume’ you’re trying to build is so that you can qualify for a spot just to go. This is usually the most unfortunate weeding out process that takes place every year. Last year I remember the sophomores competing to get one of these precious spots and the acceptance rate was a terrible 45% or so nation wide. Out of our well qualified group of about 46 cadets only 23 were chosen to continue on to go to Field Training. It was definitely a heart breaking time. Many who had given up so many things only to be turned away. The thing is if you don’t get a Enrollment Allocation to Field Training you can’t move on with ROTC and graduate from college as a 2nd Lieutenant.

Now I’m in my sophomore year right now and you could just imagine the stress of trying to prove myself, to earn a spot among the top of the nation to eventually become said officer. These last two years have been a crucible, molding me, shaping me to be a person capable of leading others. To ready me for my future career. One that has been on my mind for quite a long time. Our ‘resumes’ were completed and sent in to headquarters just before spring break and today we got word that we were supposed to report in to the Colonel, to know personally whether or not if all of the hard work put in was adequate to earn one of those EA’s.

I knew that we would be finding out sometime this week. But when I found out that it was supposed to be today, I couldn’t sleep at all nor focus in any of my classes today. This is basically going to determine my future and although I’ve made mental note of it…I haven’t really come up with a back up plan just in case this falls through. But anyways…

Turns out I got an EA, and that I’ll be going down to Maxwell AFB this summer to take that next step to becoming that 2nd Lieutenant. And I’m solid on that path now. It’s been such a huge relief…I still don’t know what to think actually. Not only that but we had a higher acceptance rate this year and turns out all of my buddies that I went through so much with, will also be around with me for the next few years until we graduate. The first thing I did was call my mom to let her know, and I’m pretty sure she almost passed out haha. She knows how much of a big deal this is for not only me but for our family (since we have a military background) and I am so proud to be able to walk down this path. I’ll even be able to help my mom with some finances and ease some of that burden off of her too.

It’s such a godsend, I’m still taking it all in right now. I never thought I would come to this day with the results that I got. And I just wanted to share this because of every person that’s stopped by here to read the things that I write. Know it or not, every single one of you has indirectly kept me going…allowing me to write what was on my mind to release the stress that was building over the months. I hate to keep mentioning this, but all of the support that I’ve got, amazing. Like I said I only had the intention of me being the only reader of this blog. So thank you for that. And as for me, I am going to celebrate and sleep well tonight.

Oh that last post was my 50th by the way. Did not think for one bit that I had that much to write haha. Oh, one last thought before I head out:

It’s all about perspective I tell ya.

February 19, 2012

The Crows

No matter what you’re doing, what you’re trying to achieve, there will always be that one person that tells you that you can’t do it. That what you’re trying to accomplish is impossible. Well, have I got news for those people…You can accomplish what you set your mind to. Don’t let those debbie-mfing-downers get in the way of your dreams. You have those dreams for a reason, they are yours and no one else’s. It makes me furious that people I know have given up on their dreams because somebody told them that they couldn’t do it. And I’m not furious at the people that have given up, but to the people that led them to believe that they weren’t good enough to achieve their goals.

These people, these crows will always be there in your life. But I’m here to tell you that you are eagles. You were meant to soar, higher than any crow could ever hope to reach. You just have to keep your eye on the prize. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You can only go up from here. Yea, I make mistakes, I also may doubt myself from time to time. But I know that those are only temporary. And that I learn from those mistakes. But giving up on a dream, before giving it my 100%, that is a regret that I would not want to carry for the rest of my life and ultimately take to the grave. Knowing that I could’ve been something great, but didn’t because I did not realize that I had the capability of achieving those goals.

Another thing. I know that we all have different purposes in our lives. Why can’t some people respect that? Everybody has a different calling, a unique destiny that is set out just for them. But when using the religion card as a way of saying that what I’m trying to do is ultimately wrong, that really pisses me off. Basically saying that the sacrifices of my grandparents and great-grandparents in combat was just a waste of time and that they should have spent more time evangelizing or whatever basically just denounces everything that they lived to protect. It’s cool bro, that you heard from God that sharing the word is your calling. But no need to try and shove that down my throat when I already know what my calling is.

This stress has really been building lately and I know it’s really unhealthy to keep it in. Maybe I’m just too nice. But that’s not going to stop me from achieving my dreams, because we only live once. And please don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise, ignore them and accomplish what is set in your heart.

“Eagles soar, whilst crows roar” – ..

February 18, 2012

Am I wrong?

Nothing gets on my nerves more than people that try and make you live a life according to how they live theirs. I go to a church here on campus and I’ve been going for a little over a year. I have a member of the staff (which is just a recent college graduate that really had no motive to pursue anything beyond just graduating) which holds a bible study with me around once a week. At first he wanted to meet 5 out of the 7 days of the week, but there was no way I could do that with the busy schedule that I have.

Now to get things straight, God is a major part of my life. I wouldn’t be where I am right now if it weren’t for the blessings that I have received time and again. Now with these bible studies lately it’s been getting to be more of an interrogation of what I do everyday, who I hang out with, my schedule of what I do right as I wake up to right when I go to sleep. Not only that, but lately this guy here has been pushing me to spend more of my time trying to evangelize and be more like a pastor, and preach the word. I tried to explain that I’m here to get an education and to ultimately become an officer in the Air Force. But for some reason, he doesn’t seem to get how much sacrifice it is to be here right now both in terms of time and money. God gave me this opportunity to take what I have and make the best of it, but no matter how much I explain that school and ROTC is my focus right now he wants me to practically squander this chance and just further the ‘objectives of the church’.

I’m really confused right now, because no matter what I say he always has some bible verse or passage to denounce my goals and dreams. The more I think about it, the more it seems like a cult to me (this church). And I’ve never been in a situation like this before. It really sucks because I can’t argue with this guy. Basically everything I do is wrong, the people who I hang out with is wrong (and also he assumes that since they don’t go to his church that they aren’t true christians and aren’t saved and all of this nonsensical gibberish). Basically, just because I may hang around people that drink every once in a while that I’ll turn into a raging alcoholic or something like that. All I know is that my heart is right with God, but this guy is just really smooth and turning everything I do into something that will send me on a path to hell. Wow.

All I know is that God put this desire for me to help other people and to give my best in everything that I do. But what this guy says is that the ultimate goal is to spread to message to everybody and to become an evangelical preacher. What have I gotten myself into? Am I the wrong one? I miss the days where everything was simple…

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