Posts tagged ‘depression’

March 28, 2014

Words of the Dead

In one of my Sociology classes today we had the opportunity to read a number of suicide notes, because that is the lesson that we are currently on. It was a really sobering experience knowing that the authors of these types of notes are not living anymore. How is it different than than any other works of literature written by long passed away people? Such as those memoirs by presidents past, history books written centuries ago, and those other works of literature by Shakespeare and other literary visionaries…Well for one, all of the ones that we had the opportunity to read through were written recently. Not only that but there was a voice, of pain, loneliness, and sorrow that was tangible throughout most, if not all, of them.

Image

 

I have never really felt any thing like the ping of emotion that I felt while reading through these. It really struck a chord with me especially, because I remember having a similar kind of mindset way back. And it is something that really connected with me even though I have never met the author(s). These emotions are something that we all share in, loss, heartbreak, and loneliness. What really got to me though, is the notion that these people were so beyond the point of hope that the only option was to give up. No one should ever have to reach that point. It’s almost a sad thought knowing there are more than 7 billion people now and some people are still alone. Anyways I could only imagine the faces of the parents as they came home to find this on the counter top. No parent should ever have to bury their children.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7D7OP6UrBcQ (play while reading, put on repeat if necessary)

 

Here is one example that I felt really encapsulated all of the emotions that were spread throughout a majority of these notes:

Dear Family,

I want you all to know that this is something that I have been considering for a long time. I have been thinking about things very much and I have come to this decision out of my own free will. I knew that I have hurt all of you very much, and I hope that you don’t ever feel like I did it on purpose. I love you all very much, even though I never told you as much as I should have. Please don’t ever feel like you let me down in any way. You all have never been anything but the perfect parents.

God truely blessed me when he gave me this family. God gave me a gift one time and since the I have done nothing to repay him. I have let him and you all down so many times. So now I am taking this moment to apologize for it all. I know that this is very painful and confusing to you, but always remember this was my choice. At this time in my life, I am so homesick for a country which I’ve never been. I am just one step closer there now. I’m resting now ad I will see all of you again one day. I’d like to thank you for giving me life and allowing me into your hearts. Mom, I understand everything you said to me now. You have always been right. I know I could never pay you back but I want you to know that I understand. Please, please don’t feel sad because of me.

I am very happy with what I had here and what I’ve got waiting for me. I need you guys to be strong now, just like I know you are. You all will get through this together. Please always remember that this was my choice and the reason I did this is very simple. I’m tired of life. I’m tired of this place. I just don’t want to grow older. Dad, thank you for always being there, and for trying to teach me to be a man. You two hug (name) for me. I love you three more than anything, and this goodbye won’t be forever, just for a little while.

Mom, please tell (name), that I love him. (Name) is a good man with a good heart. He is just a little rough around the edges, that’s all. He is a good friend. Thank you all very much. I love you and always will.

Your Son and Brother

(Signature)

______________________________________________

We always seem to care about the loss of a person, but never to those that are currently in the struggle. It’s almost a shame that people will resort to taking their own life because of the amount of pressure has finally broken their limit. I know that for some people that they only need an outlet to share their feelings. Someone to listen to just what’s going on in their lives. And it really does make a difference when you are able to let those worries and hardships come out into the open and verbalize them. Find that outlet, be that outlet! You never know how much of a difference one smile, hello, handshake, what say you…that it can make. Let’s start focusing on the issues now, so that we won’t have to read any of these letters down the road.

Advertisements
November 30, 2011

Time is Relevant

What the HECK!! Where did my break go?! I could have swore that I was just leaving for home yesterday. But NO, I’m back in this refrigerator of a home, doing everything I can to avoid going upstairs. I’m hearing a parrot or something equally annoying and the last time I checked, we didn’t have one of those. I try to avoid being home most of the time because I have truly eccentric roommates. But that’s a long story.

Have you ever had a song, that when you were down in the dumps, just lifted you into a better place? Well, that video up above is the song that have been keeping my heart beating lately. It’s not really an uplifting kind of tune, but an amazing song nonetheless. For me, all of my favorite songs are associated with some sort of memory that I have. Listening to them takes me back to days when the most stressful thing I had to worry about was which color Flintstones vitamin I wanted before my parents walked me over to school. Haha maybe not that far back. But definitely the days when our family lived together as a family.

I have never experienced this before, but I’ve had a really serious bout of depressive thoughts. Nothing way serious, maybe it was the weather, or leaving the comfort of home again, or just losing a lot of friends to the multiple paths that life has to offer. Waking up when it’s dark and going home when it’s also dark doesn’t really help either. This mood only lasted for a day or so, but to me it seemed like an eternity. It was kind of scary actually.

It made me think about time and why when things go wrong, even if it may be just for an instant, it seems like nothing will ever be right again. I remember once I made my dad so angry because he was teaching me how to grill. But I didn’t want to (being just 11 er whatever at the time) so I just threw the whole 5lb block of hamburger beef into the grill, under the rack thing into the ashes. Wow, I might as well have stepped on a land mine while holding two grenades in a village where the locals stone people for being sarcastic. I was in so much trouble since I practically threw away our dinner and it seemed like I was grounded forever. But it was only for like 2 days.

But when things are great, it’s almost as if they’ve never happened in the first place. I have to keep going through the situation in my mind in a sort of instant replay mode so that I can remember and cherish that memory. For example, once I was with a girl that I really liked. We hung out for a good amount of time; I couldn’t believe how great everything was going. But whatever, it was good. Never got to see her again though. But that’s all I have left, just a memory of a time where nothing mattered. I still have the scars from that whole grilling incident though, god that’ll be a constant reminder haha.

But anyways, I guess I’m deviating here again. The point is that when you’re just loving life, remember those memories because when it starts to get dark again, you’ll have something to look back to and lift you up out of that drudge. And to finish off with a quote from one of my favorite authors

““Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
― Dr. Seuss

(Oh, ps I don’t cry by the way. Something just usually flies into my eye at the most inopportune times :P )

%d bloggers like this: