Archive for ‘Dreams’

April 14, 2012

Rain

The clouds are on the verge of spilling its tears. The sun has already fled from its post. The wind creeping ever so slowly through the leaves of it’s branches. The gray sky emitting barely audible growls. These are the days that I thrive in. The days that I feel most alive. These are the days that make me feel as if I have a home, away from home. It is dark. But there is something so familiar about this loneliness. Even though I am in the company of others, I am still alone. I’ve been here before, been lost in it’s wake. I’ve been lost, but also I’ve been found. Rescued from a life of despair. That is not my fate.

Although these days make me feel isolated, it brings me comfort. Why? I don’t really know. Maybe because it brings back memories of when my family was still together. Still happy. Not a care in the world. Back when things were simple.

I ran away from home once. Naive of me. I was only 6 at the time. It was a day similar to this one. It was raining and I just wanted to run away. Far away. I wanted to prove to my parents that I could take care of myself. I felt so free. Running through the empty streets. Only the splash of my footsteps and the rain hitting the metal roofs of the buildings as I passed them. Yet I also felt scared out of my mind. How could I do that to my parents? Make them worried sick? I came back and my parents were there for me. Gave me a big hug and I felt that nothing could ever hurt me. Being in the embrace of both of my parents. Nothing could ever hurt me.

Then my parents split. I was too young to understand it. But I did. Maybe I didn’t know what the exact reasons were. But I knew. From there my world was destroyed. We moved. I lost all of my friends as well as my family as we moved away. No one told me we would never be coming back. I grew up in a broken family. With one parent that truly cared about who I would be as I grew up.

Anyways, I don’t really know how much longer she is going to be around. So I want to keep every memory I have. Write it down. Now, why am I sharing this in the open? Well, I figured I would explain my name a bit more. Plus, although this may seem downcast, but you will never truly know who I am. I may walk past you one day and you would never know. And that’s how I would like to keep it. I’ve already lost too many friends, and I would prefer not to lose anymore. I’m just another person with another blog. Nothing special.

This is why I call rainy days home. It brings back that day when I felt so free. The day that I felt anything was possible. The rain washed away every fear that I had. Even today, it brings me back to that time. Where things were simple and all that was important was each other. It’s starting to rain now.

April 12, 2012

Shuffle

Alright, so I had my iTunes on shuffle (trying to get some homework groove on) and then this song came up:

Now, this was a bit of surprise since I’ve just been listening to some thuggin jamz lately haha. I almost forgot that I had this song. Anyways, the point is, this is one of the most beautiful pieces of music that I have ever heard. It really means a lot to me especially because this was the song I was listening to in the waiting room at the hospital as my mom underwent a brutal 8 hour surgery. I listened to this song over and over, persuading myself that everything would be okay.

When I heard this song today, my heart stopped for a bit. Because just in the craziness of everyday life, it’s so easy to forget the things that matter to you the most. I feel like that day, waiting for the surgery to be over, was yesterday. But it’s already been six years. (It’ll be six, this June on my birthday).

Time flies man. That’s all I can say. We’ve all got shit in our lives. That’s a given. It’s one of the most constant factors in our lives. You get over one hurdle only to see two more in its place. A real life Hydra. But it’s how we deal with those problems that makes you into the person that you are. Never give up, life’s a fight. And you’re here well and breathing. Might as well make the best of it. Make someones day, make them smile. Your day might seem like nothing is going right, but you never know. Everybody smiles, but you never know what is behind those smiles. Years of torment, pain, anguish. I’ve seen it, don’t ever want to see it in another person again. Life’s too short.

Anyways, those are just my thoughts for the evening. I just need school to be over already :(((

One thing missing though; we're not in this alone.

March 25, 2012

Nightmares

Lately I’ve been having nothing but nightmares. One after another after another. I don’t really know what the reason is. And they’ve definitely started after experiencing that sleep paralysis last week. They’ve been really vivid too. Almost as if someone fixed the projector in my mind that creates these nightmares and set it to crystal clear, 1080p. They’re not the really abstract ones either but really personal ones. Such as losing a close family member, about a friend that I haven’t seen since I was a kid, and failing at my responsibilities to name a few.

I know I’ve recieved really good news earlier this week but I still can’t help worrying about the future. Money is definitely one of those worries. It’s not so much me, but how much my mom has sacrificed to help me be where I am. In just a matter of years…her whole savings for retirement just withered up, to help me. Now she can’t take any vacation for herself or even get the Baja transplants to help aid with her hearing (she lost one side as a result of her brain surgery).

Not only that but we hired a lawyer to help find my dad so that he could help with some of the payments as stated in the divorce files. It turns out that the lawyer practically ripped us off. What pisses me off is that she took advantage of my mom because she has an accent, being from Korea. And I couldn’t do anything because I couldn’t go with her to those meetings to make sure nothing like that would happen. I’ve never felt this helpless about a situation.

Also I’ve always walked a different path then a lot of my friends. I look at them and wish that I had their life sometimes. So carefree and having the time of their lives, while I slave away doing school work and giving up a lot of freedoms that most people have. I can’t help but feeling alone sometimes. But hey, maybe I’m getting a little too deep here. Life goes on. And around here actually caring about things is a characteristic of being weak. Fuck that, having feelings means you’re human in my book.

Just a little song that’s been on my mind for the past week or so. Can’t get it out of my head, with it being a really sad song actually. Oh well, I hope that things will start to turn around for my mom at least. I should probably get some sleep actually, hopefully no more nightmares for a while.

March 23, 2012

The sun is finally shining!! Soo Warmmm. (+The Sunshine Award)

I’ve been putting this one off for a while, but today is a good day. I can’t exactly put my finger on it, but I couldn’t have a care in the world right now. I know this probably sounds stupid, but just breathing is such a blessing. Being alive, with the prospect of a great future and living up to the standards I’ve set for myself. I saw a picture not too long ago with the question “If your 5 year old self saw you today, would he/she be proud?” I never really considered that, but knowing what I know now and where I am at the moment, I would say yes.

I’m a real people person, although most of my friends would say that I’m pretty quiet. What?! Haha. But no really, I have met some amazing people along the way and that’s what keeps me going. That being said, I would like to thank Lady Barefoot Baroness for nominating me for the Sunshine Award. Haha, I never really thought of myself as being a ‘sunshine’ type of person. Now LBB first responded to a prayer request that I had a while back about some family stuff and my potential future. I was actually really touched that anyone would respond to that. Ms. Baroness is pretty much like a second mom to me haha. Always telling me to stick to what I believe in. Oh, lord yep definitely like a second mom. Anyways I thank her stickin with me and recognizing me for this award. Your prayers have definitely been heard judging from the circumstances that I’m in right now.

Alright so the Sunshine Award is supposed to be given to “bloggers who are inspirational, and who have impacted your blogging or your life.”

That’s awesome knowing that there are others that think I’m inspirational! Sometimes I can’t even inspire myself to get out of bed.

Anyhow, oh god here we go…so the rules:

  • Include the award’s logo in a post or on your blog (I put the alternate pic, hopefully that’s ok)
  • Answer 10 questions about yourself
  • Nominate 10-12 other amazing bloggers
  • Link your nominees to the post and comment on their blogs, letting them know they have been nominated
  • Share the love and link the person who nominated you.

So the questions:

Favorite Color: Sky Blue

Favorite Animal: The Cheetah (So fast…)

Favorite number:  5 (my hs soccer jersey number)

Favorite non-alcoholic drink: Root Beer (Can’t get enough haha)

Prefer Facebook or Twitter?  Facebook

My passion:   Making videos for my YT channel (although lately…got nothing)

Prefer getting or giving presents:  Giving (I don’t really like to be put on the spot when getting gifts, plus I’d rather see someone else’s face light up :P

Favorite pattern:  Oh…uh cool ones?

Favorite day of the week:  Friday, and just guess what today is!

Favorite flower:  I don’t have one actually…considering they just seem to flare my allergies :O Darn them.

And so for my nominations (in no particular order) : And I realize that I don’t have 10-12 nominees so to make up for that I’ll throw in why I chose the people that I did.

Lazy Happy Bored Happy Sad… – Okay so Wilhelmina definitely likes to throw out sarcasm whenever necessary. I love sarcasm and I love to laugh…so why not!? Anyways, being an engineering student (I can only imagine…I started out as one) and being able to retain a sense of humor is absolutely boss. Definitely have my respect :P

Alphabravoecho – So lately, the posts I’ve been reading have been taking me places I thought never existed. Things my imagination can only fathom. Alpha is super down to earth, humble about what he does and has been one of my first readers. I appreciate that. Keep safe man.

PURE INSTINCT – Oh lord, so where do I start. I don’t even know who this is…HAHA just kidding! Alright so, Aix is super nice. Cool person to talk to, really down to earth and funny :P One cool fact, I was able to witness her blog change from generally putting a damper on my day to posts that’ll put a smile on my face. Amazing change. Besides that, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her go through 20 different themes one day…I’m exaggerating, okay 19.

wittytruth – Every post that wittytruth puts up, you can just tell that a lot of thought and work was put into sharing the message with everyone who would care to stop by and take a look. Always covers everything from every possible angle and manages to find the silver lining in every situation. That takes skill and a good outlook on life. Really makes you wonder what the more important things in life are.

Sitamar – Every post I read from Sitamar, I am reminded that the world is not always a carefree place. However, I also have learned that from her that kindness can be found in any person if you search for it. Sitamar, is probably one of the most kind-hearted people I have had the opportunity to talk to. And I am constantly reminded that there are struggles every day, but it really takes a noble, gold hearted person to overcome those struggles amidst the darkness time and again. So thank you for that, I mean that.

somesummersunday – SSS always brings a smile to my face. Even when I’m having the most crappiest of days, just reading the stuff that she writes about…incredibly hilarious. If I had even a tenth of her ability of being sarcastic/hilarious…oh the possibilities. So thanks for brightening my days through the winter until the sun actually came out :)

thacourtjester – Jester isn’t afraid to voice his own opinion on various topics, which I admire. Always posts really insightful stuff. Haha, I also picked him so that I wouldn’t be the only bad-ass-dude with the ‘sunshine’ award. Haha, just kidding, I don’t really mind. Keep strong bruh!

March 21, 2012

Red Letter Day

Okay, so I don’t even know where to start right now. I’m so ecstatic I can barely contain it, let alone sit here in front of this computer to type it up. Haha, alright so just to give a little heads up into my situation before delving in…I am in Air Force ROTC right now. Basically how it works in college is that your first two years is kind of like an active resume building for ROTC. Basically a chance to prove yourself to the detachment why you are a good candidate to be an Officer in the United States Air Force. The summer of your sophomore year, you go to Field Training which is the equivalent of basic training for officers.

Anyways, not everyone gets to go to Field Training. Like I said, that ‘resume’ you’re trying to build is so that you can qualify for a spot just to go. This is usually the most unfortunate weeding out process that takes place every year. Last year I remember the sophomores competing to get one of these precious spots and the acceptance rate was a terrible 45% or so nation wide. Out of our well qualified group of about 46 cadets only 23 were chosen to continue on to go to Field Training. It was definitely a heart breaking time. Many who had given up so many things only to be turned away. The thing is if you don’t get a Enrollment Allocation to Field Training you can’t move on with ROTC and graduate from college as a 2nd Lieutenant.

Now I’m in my sophomore year right now and you could just imagine the stress of trying to prove myself, to earn a spot among the top of the nation to eventually become said officer. These last two years have been a crucible, molding me, shaping me to be a person capable of leading others. To ready me for my future career. One that has been on my mind for quite a long time. Our ‘resumes’ were completed and sent in to headquarters just before spring break and today we got word that we were supposed to report in to the Colonel, to know personally whether or not if all of the hard work put in was adequate to earn one of those EA’s.

I knew that we would be finding out sometime this week. But when I found out that it was supposed to be today, I couldn’t sleep at all nor focus in any of my classes today. This is basically going to determine my future and although I’ve made mental note of it…I haven’t really come up with a back up plan just in case this falls through. But anyways…

Turns out I got an EA, and that I’ll be going down to Maxwell AFB this summer to take that next step to becoming that 2nd Lieutenant. And I’m solid on that path now. It’s been such a huge relief…I still don’t know what to think actually. Not only that but we had a higher acceptance rate this year and turns out all of my buddies that I went through so much with, will also be around with me for the next few years until we graduate. The first thing I did was call my mom to let her know, and I’m pretty sure she almost passed out haha. She knows how much of a big deal this is for not only me but for our family (since we have a military background) and I am so proud to be able to walk down this path. I’ll even be able to help my mom with some finances and ease some of that burden off of her too.

It’s such a godsend, I’m still taking it all in right now. I never thought I would come to this day with the results that I got. And I just wanted to share this because of every person that’s stopped by here to read the things that I write. Know it or not, every single one of you has indirectly kept me going…allowing me to write what was on my mind to release the stress that was building over the months. I hate to keep mentioning this, but all of the support that I’ve got, amazing. Like I said I only had the intention of me being the only reader of this blog. So thank you for that. And as for me, I am going to celebrate and sleep well tonight.

Oh that last post was my 50th by the way. Did not think for one bit that I had that much to write haha. Oh, one last thought before I head out:

It’s all about perspective I tell ya.

March 19, 2012

Try Lucid Dreaming they said. It will be fun they said.

So Spring Break is now over and now all I have left is just that last push of a few painful months until I can finally enjoy some time away from school. The finish line is so close…but there’s just so much that’s going to be taking place in the next few months that the stress is really getting to me. What I will be doing in the future depends on the outcome of the few weeks to come. Anyways, with that being said, I haven’t been feeling too well lately.

I haven’t really been myself recently either, which I’m definitely kicking myself for (haven’t really said the smartest things in the last few days)…probably too much cough syrup haha. Yea, I’ll just go with that. Cough Syrup…yum. And I hate the notion of being drowsy all the time.

So I’ve been reading some articles on lucid dreaming and thought “Wow, maybe being able to control your dreams would be a pretty neat thing!” Now I really have no idea what lucid dreaming is and what it entails. I am absolutely not an expert with this kind of stuff and I probably should have just left it at that. I really should have left it at that. I really should have.

What I thought lucid dreaming would be like...

Anyways, I was feeling really tired after my classes and had the opportunity to take about an hour long nap. Being the foolish opportunist that I am, I decided that this would be a perfect chance to try to have a lucid dream of myself. Make myself the hero, you know that kind of thing. Now for this sort of thing I guess you’re supposed to lay on your back and relax until you ultimately fall asleep. The thing is I never really knew when I did fall asleep.

My room was dark to start with, nearly pitch black and I could hear all of the noises around me. The noises coming from the house. Water in the pipes. The wind blowing around my window. That kind of stuff. And since I was laying on my back I had a clear view of my door. Now if you haven’t caught on from previous posts, I don’t really enjoy the company of my roommates (but that’s another story…) Anyways I could faintly make out my door being opened very slowly and saw a shadowy figure, what I made out to be my roommate, walking towards my bed. I was about to get pissed really fast since he didn’t knock first of all, and I felt a prank coming on. The thing was all I could do was watch. And as the figure slowly came closer to my bed I noticed that he was holding something in his hand.

I could see him coming closer and I attempted to say something, anything to let him know that the gig was up. That I could see what he was up to. But no sound came from my voice. And I still couldn’t move. I began to panic as I couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on. All the while the figure kept coming closer to my bed, creeping ever so slowly. As it was right on top of me that’s when I broke awake in a cold sweat.

I took in a deep breath of air, since I must not have been breathing the whole time. My mouth had the faint taste of copper, of blood. My room was still dark. The door was closed, as I had left it. But what the fuck, I could’ve swore that my roommate was in my room…

I walked out into the hallway then went upstairs only to realize, to my horror, that nobody was home. Everything was dark. Everything was the same as it had been since I got home, so no one could’ve stopped by and left while I was ‘sleeping’.

I can’t exactly explain what happened. All I know is that I wasn’t dreaming and that I was still in my room. Everything was or felt real and talking about it now still terrifies me. Whatever was in my room was not my roommate. And I now wonder what it was that it was holding in it’s hand. I looked more into lucid dreaming and there’s another associated phenomena known as Sleep Paralysis. That’s the only conclusion that I can get as to what I was experiencing. I have never been more happy to have woken up from a dream before, but I still am not sure if I can breathe a sigh of relief yet. I have never had a dream that real, that horrifying, with the inability to move or do anything about it as it was about to happen. One thing’s for sure though…I won’t be messing with things that I’m not sure of. And I have to stop reading scary things before going to bed. Oh, and pardon my language…still shaken. But not stirred! (…and that was lame; once again the blame goes to the cough syrup)

February 19, 2012

The Crows

No matter what you’re doing, what you’re trying to achieve, there will always be that one person that tells you that you can’t do it. That what you’re trying to accomplish is impossible. Well, have I got news for those people…You can accomplish what you set your mind to. Don’t let those debbie-mfing-downers get in the way of your dreams. You have those dreams for a reason, they are yours and no one else’s. It makes me furious that people I know have given up on their dreams because somebody told them that they couldn’t do it. And I’m not furious at the people that have given up, but to the people that led them to believe that they weren’t good enough to achieve their goals.

These people, these crows will always be there in your life. But I’m here to tell you that you are eagles. You were meant to soar, higher than any crow could ever hope to reach. You just have to keep your eye on the prize. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You can only go up from here. Yea, I make mistakes, I also may doubt myself from time to time. But I know that those are only temporary. And that I learn from those mistakes. But giving up on a dream, before giving it my 100%, that is a regret that I would not want to carry for the rest of my life and ultimately take to the grave. Knowing that I could’ve been something great, but didn’t because I did not realize that I had the capability of achieving those goals.

Another thing. I know that we all have different purposes in our lives. Why can’t some people respect that? Everybody has a different calling, a unique destiny that is set out just for them. But when using the religion card as a way of saying that what I’m trying to do is ultimately wrong, that really pisses me off. Basically saying that the sacrifices of my grandparents and great-grandparents in combat was just a waste of time and that they should have spent more time evangelizing or whatever basically just denounces everything that they lived to protect. It’s cool bro, that you heard from God that sharing the word is your calling. But no need to try and shove that down my throat when I already know what my calling is.

This stress has really been building lately and I know it’s really unhealthy to keep it in. Maybe I’m just too nice. But that’s not going to stop me from achieving my dreams, because we only live once. And please don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise, ignore them and accomplish what is set in your heart.

“Eagles soar, whilst crows roar” – ..

February 6, 2012

My Reason, My Desire

Nice to see that wordpress changed up a bit in the short time I was gone. Wow! Thank you to everyone that has stopped by! Haha, just stopping by here totally made my day :D I’ve been just pressed for time lately and school has been keeping me a bit stressed, but what can you do? Some stress is good for you I guess haha. Anyways, I had a few minutes and I just wanted to share with you what has been on my mind lately. I just made this and I hope that you will enjoy!

Without the sacrifices of the men and women as these, we would not be here today. At least I know for sure I wouldn’t. Thank you once again for your amazing words of support! I’m going to have to keep this one short before I head back into the thick of things!

January 24, 2012

Cross-Roads

 

Every one will eventually reach a crossroad in their life. Sometimes, the decision on which path to take is clear cut, but other times it can be a life changing one. As I sit here, mid-homework, I realize that I’m about to come to one of those cross roads. But before I go further into that I just want to reflect on who I am, and how I got here.

I was always the quiet kid. I was always that one kid that would rather be left alone. The one that always sat in the corner. Maybe it was just me trying to cope in a life without a father. I was only 5 or so at the time, but it was a dark time for me. Scary too, since I just moved to the United States not long after. (Most people don’t know, but English is my second language.) Anyways, it was in these times that I was trying to figure out what love truly was, what friendship could bring to a person. My mother (who is the most wonderful person in the world by the way!) was the person that first taught me that friendships have no boundaries. Being young at the time, and going through a stage of life where kids are first to judge on appearance rather than substance of personality, most kids didn’t really want to have anything to do with me. All because I didn’t have the same hue of skin color and ultimately didn’t look like them. I didn’t mind, but on the inside I did. All I wanted was to have a normal life and for people to accept me.

No boundaries

As I grew and finished elementary school and started to progress through middle school I made some friends here and there. I was lucky because these were the friends that were always by my side, no matter what. I still hang out with them even today from time to time. It was a little surprising because being thrown in a new country and what-not I had no idea what to expect or even what a normal life would consist of. I mean there was nothing wrong with me, except the fact that I had no family. Except for my mom. Bless her soul. She was the one that helped me become the person that I am today. She taught me that true friendships have no boundaries, and that happiness is a mode of transportation. Not the destination. Because of these two little pieces of invaluable advice, as well as a whole lifetime of others, I was able to break myself out of that self-doubt and truly live the life that was meant for me.

Happiness is a key point in my life. I always wondered why I was never happy growing up. I was never happy as a kid. Maybe because I was missing half of my parenthood. But that person is out of my life now, he never had anything to do with me and that’s fine. We move on. That’s just how it goes. Happiness is just a matter of how you look at things. The fact that I’m breathing right now, and that I’m relatively healthy is enough for me. One thing that I found though, in order to be happy, is that you have to accept yourself. Nobody’s perfect. I can’t stress that enough. I looked past all of my insecurities and realized that I was much stronger than I had previously thought to be. I was able to become familiar with a majority of the students in my highschool enough that I was voted Prom King senior year. I never thought in a million years that that would have happened to me. I would definitely be the last person on my mind that would’ve won something like that. It’s usually all the football players that get nominated for that stuff. But just being myself was the key. The football guys actually voted for me! Not only that, but I finished high school ranked 4 out of 289 with a cum gpa of 4.5 (Not that that kind of stuff matters in college anyways.) But I’m not trying to brag, the point I’m trying to make is that you are the captain of your own life.

It's all you.

You choose where you want to go. And attitude really goes a long way. Knowing that you will be happy will be significantly more successful than hoping you will be happy. It’s all up to you.

Considering that, I’ve also learned that we are all human. It doesn’t matter our skin color or ethnicity or religion. We are all of the same flesh and blood. Why we go/have gone to war over trivial details as those is beyond me. We’re all living this life together. And there is no reason to make it harder for each other. It truly saddens me to know that there are still racial issues around the world, and although I may have not have been victim to a stoning or lynching or any other thing as horrible as that, I still know the pain of being alienated. It’s truly a sad thing.

On another note, I’ve also seen the good that humanity has to offer. There are still good people out there. Definitely harder to find nowadays, but still there nonetheless. I’ve had the good fortune to be raised by a strong woman and to have continuously met others as I have gone through my own trials and tribulations. And I just want to give thanks to those people, even though they’ve moved on with their own lives and may never read this. Not only that but, I also wanted to thank all of the people that I’ve met here too. If you’ve made it down this far, you guys are definitely keepers :P But really, I created this blog with the expectations of me being the only reader and that this would be a place where I would just keep my own memories for memories’ sake. So thank you for your unbridled support.

Anyways, so back to where I am now. I’ve reached that crossroad, and I’ve made a decision. I will become an officer in the Air Force as soon as I graduate. The training for it has already started for this semester (AFROTC) and it’s going to be tough. The road seems uncertain because there are so many others that have chosen to walk this path that I have chosen. This is the semester that will make or break me. Looking back, it was the kindness of other people that has gotten me this far and through this kindness I’d like to give something back. So wish me luck! I’ve already had a few honors being in the program but it’s all about the grades now. So here’s to a productive semester, which means that I may have to give up this blog for awhile…at least until I know for sure. So once again, I thank you for making it with me this far and inspiring me with all of your posts! You guys have had a real impact on how I view things, and that is a gift far greater than any tangible object. And don’t forget, it’s because of the sacrifices of people like Jim (see photo below) that we are able to say the things we do, without any fear or threat of consequence. So remember, that one day, that kid that you never knew may be the one that will give the ultimate sacrifice so that you can stay comfortable in your homes and share your thoughts with others. There’s no need for hate. Especially when we’re all in this together.

December 31, 2011

The Simple Days

Every once in a while, I’ll have a dream. A really peaceful dream actually. I’m in a field, some sort of pasture and I’m free to run. Run forever and ever without a care in the world because there are no worries. The sun is bright, the clouds are high, the field is green. I could feel the cool air brush on my face as I’m running. Flowing through my hair and my clothes. Very surreal. I almost feel like I’ve been in a place like this before. But I never have.

Then I wake up and in an instant…everything is gone. I find myself facing another day, mostly of the same routines. I sometimes wish that I could fall back asleep and go back to that haven. That safe place where the monotony of this world is broken. But I can’t and I have to bring myself to wake up. I have to realize that maybe there isn’t a place like that. No where close to me anyways…

Hard to believe that another year is coming to a close. The Christmas tree in our living room is dim. The presents there no more. To be honest, I didn’t really feel a Christmas cheer this year. I feel like it’s just used as more of a marketing tool for many corporations to sell their products. It just feels like it lost that magic that made it such a special day. I remember when I was a few years younger the weeks leading up to Christmas would feel like I was in limbo. Christmas couldn’t just get here any faster! But this year, it just felt like another ordinary day…is this how adults feel about the holidays?

I was able to see War Horse today. And it was actually a touching story. Really enjoyed it. And I’m not really a fan of a boy-that-falls-in-love-with-an-animal type of story either. Looking a little past the story, I realized that before all of this technology that things used to be good and innocent. Everything was so much more pure. People were more open, more friendly. You could look into someone’s eyes and they would look back at you and smile.

Another show/movie that I watched recently was 5 Centimeters Per Second. I wanted to mention this one because reminiscing about life before computers and cell phones made me remember this gem of a story. The movie, in brief, is about this boy and a girl that are unable to share their feelings for each other. They eventually grow up and follow their own paths, but this movie was freaking heartbreaking. I was basically shouting at my computer the whole time for them just to admit their feelings for each other. And you know, I actually might have shed a few tears at the end. Or it could’ve been my contact solution. Yea, it was definitely the solution.

But absolutely stunning plot and visuals for both movies. But the point is that life before seemed to be more carefree. I don’t yet know if it’s just me growing up and moving away from the comforts of being just a kid or if it might be just the times. The internet may connect the globe, but does it connect hearts? I feel as if genuine kindness of the heart is harder to come by these days…but I’m not saying that it’s gone. You just have to search deeper, I guess.

Anyways, its officially New Years Eve now and I just wanted to get that off my mind. I don’t really mind if no one reads what I write. I just feel that it is soothing maybe even stress relieving to lay down what’s really on my mind every once in a while. So if you’ve happened to make it down this far, I thank you and I want to wish you a Happy New Year! New year, new beginnings right?

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