Archive for February, 2013

February 7, 2013

Lone Wolf

Sometimes, I don’t know what it is, but I have this inescapable feeling of loneliness. And it doesn’t matter how many people that I’m with, I still feel like no one understands what this feeling is like. Today is definitely one of those days. I do my best to be there for others when they need it, everyone needs to vent sometimes, but sometimes I really just don’t give a shit. I feel like all these people do is complain, and I’m that kind of person that takes it upon myself to be there for them. But hey, things get rough even for me.

I’m usually able to talk things out off of my chest with my parents, but after our conversation today, I feel like we’re just not looking at things the same anymore. I usually come out of these deep conversations with a sense of relief, that everything’s going to be ok. But today, I felt more lost. There’s just been a lot on my mind lately…the usual stress from finances, school, life in general. And there’s some other issues as well regarding some of my fellow cadets, friends really, and their possible disenrollment because of alcohol and stupid decisions. These are the kinds of topics that I can’t just really turn to anyone and explain because it’s really personal stuff, so as a result all of these negative feelings have just built up inside.

It’s tough when you feel like a grain of sand on an endless beach. That my opinions and feelings, for the most part, do not matter. That I’ve come to the point where I have to come here to find solace. The world isn’t a pretty place and I know that. I’ve known that. But it does help when someone would just listen for once. As much as I love to listen I am a person too and have worries and concerns and anxieties that plague me day in and day out. I know that this might sound like I’m being selfish, that everything is about me, but that’s far from the truth. If I could help every single person in this world, I would, as impossible as it may sound. But I would.

But the world isn’t like that. It can be a cold place of fatigue, loneliness, and sorrow. So maybe I should just suck it up and stick to my own guns. I’ve always relied on myself when things got tough and they have always seemed to work out. Anyways, thanks for bearing with me. This is the last thing that I would have wanted to post on here, but I’ve run out of people who are willing to listen. And to write it down is the only comfort and satisfaction that I will get.story

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