Archive for October, 2012

October 28, 2012

One Year

Wow, it’s been a little over one year now since I started this blog. I have learned absolutely a lot, just from writing about things that have been on my mind at one point or another. I’ve probably learned a lot more just about the world around me than any school can possibly teach. I know it probably sounds like a stretch, but that’s what I got out of it.

One year ago, I was in a totally different place with other things that were plaguing me. I was in a house, living in a little closet of a room, living day to day. Always worried about the possibility that in that next semester I might have to go home if I didn’t get an EA slot that would have allowed me to continue on that path of becoming an officer in the Air Force. Living in a house of people that didn’t really know what it meant to be a true friend. They always preached the word, but they never practiced it. No one’s perfect, but realizing your faults is way more mature than pretending that you don’t have them.

But I realized that if I wasn’t able to somehow talk about the things that bothered me, it would destroy me from the inside. I didn’t really care that maybe no one would care to listen, it was all for myself anyway. I still sometimes go back and read the posts that meant a lot to me and it sometimes does bring me to tears (you didn’t hear that from me by the way). Not only was I able to get those things off my chest, but I also found out that I’m not the only one that has things to worry about. I met a lot of unique people, saw things through their perspective and realized that, yes, I have problems. But nothing’s going to change if you just wallow in your own self pity.

I have the opportunity to change myself as well as encourage the people around me. So why not use that gift that God has blessed me with and start making a difference? I tell myself this everyday, but even just the little things can make such a huge difference. A smile, taking those few extra seconds to hold open that door for somebody, little things like that. You can change someone’s life, you have no idea.

The news today only seems to point out tragic stories of murder, kidnappings, rape. Why is it always those things that tend to put a damper on one’s attitude towards life. There’s such a good side to life, but it can be hard to find if all we are exposed to are stories of war, death, and famine.

So if there was one thing that I learned in the past year, that has affected how I view life as well as carry it out is that no matter who you are, you absolutely can make a difference. It might not be world changing or nobel prize worthy, but being able to save someone in some way you could never have expected, is worth more than anything. So just know that you are more than one person in a world of 7 billion. It just depends on how you want to make your impression on those around you.

Don’t let those smiles fool you. I’ve found out that more often than not, the happiest people are the one’s that truly need someone to talk to. They always go out of their way to make others around them feel better, but no one ever aks them if they are ok. No one would ever guess. Be yourself, observe those around you. If someone needs help, never turn a cold shoulder towards them. These are all things that I’ve learned. And all with the help of one art teacher that I had back as a kid. I found this in my planner from middle school over the summer:

Today, one of the most beloved teachers at our school passed away. He was the only teacher that ever tried to talk to me about my problems and aspirations; and he inspired me even when I felt hopeless. He constantly struggled with severe health problems, but he was still one of the happiest/funniest people I knew. But he didn’t die from health complications; he committed suicide this morning. Why?”

One of the many people that helped me as I was going through struggles as a kid growing up. It’s really burned into my heart knowing that he went out of my way to set me straight. And to carry out his kindness, it’s been a personal goal of myself to carry on that legacy that he contributed to my life with. His encouragement really helped me to become the person that I am today, and his passing will not be in vain.

So I just want to thank you all for being with me for this long. I just hope that I was able to make some sort of impact on you as you all have had on me.

October 27, 2012

Blessed

It’s definitely getting to that point in the semester where things just start to look bleak. I don’t know what it is exactly, maybe the changing weather, maybe just knowing that school just feels like it’s never going to end. A person can only take so much before straining under that pressure. And stressing about things really doesn’t help, but it’s hard knowing that my family is under so much financial constraints. We’re at the point of living paycheck to paycheck and it’s hard seeing my mom go through coupon books and buy things that she sees in advertisements, considering she has never done that before.

It doesn’t help that our college tuition has been going up a little every semester. Not only that but my car is suddenly experiencing a lot of issues that require going to the shop to fix. I felt heartbroken the last time I talked to my mom, because I knew money is an issue and she told me she sent some pocket money. This pocket money ended up being all of her tips that she managed to earn in September. She always tries to play it off that money isn’t really an issue, but deep down I know that it’s been hard on her especially. She had to resort to using all of the money in her savings account and her retirement money. She really has nothing left and I feel absolutely terrible in that she still insists that I take the pocket money she sends me, basically her monthly earnings.

I don’t know where I’m going with this really. I just don’t feel that I have anyone that I can talk to right now. My mom really has sacrificed so much just to see my brother and I succeed and it’s just a lot of pressure not to feel like I’m letting her down. I’ve been having really bad nightmares recently and they’ve only been getting progressively worse. I just hate how my mom will do everything that she can in order to help me and my brother, even if that means sacrificing her retirement savings.

But in all reality, I don’t think I would be here without her. Her strength in overcoming her brain tumor was what set me straight on the path that I chose and it’s just good to remember why I’m here. It’s definitely one of those things that have been on my mind lately and I feel that writing it down always seems to help. Maybe things will look up in the future.

One of my favorite songs from when I was a smaller kid. Makes me thankful for what I have, always.

October 7, 2012

So…much…homework…

So in order to massage my brain out of a self induced coma fueled by over 8 hours of straight homework, I thought I’d give my mind a chance to relax by posting about how my homework is slowly crippling my ability to function in a social environment. I don’t even know if that made sense, and quite frankly, I don’t care.

As of this moment, I’m sitting here in my room (which is totally dark by the way, save for one lamp [and it’s 3 in the afternoon]) surrounded by a water bottle which has nourished me for the last day and a half as well as some gum. I can barely feel my left leg, since I’ve been sitting on it for the past hour and a half now and the texture of my chair is imprinted…no, engrained on it like some unwanted tattoo.

So where am I going with this? No clue. Just thought I’d let my mind vomit out all this unnecessary information before going back to work and this is my way of holding back it’s hair. Wow, wtf. But really this next week is definitely going to suck, I don’t think I have ever had a test, paper(s), and a speech back to back before. And the funny thing is, I’m not even procrastinating this time! I’m trying to get ahead! But oh well.

Soon…

However, there are definitely things that I’m looking forward to. Can’t wait for Paranormal Activity 4 in a few weeks! Halloween too! Also, I just bought Portal 2 for 20 bucks, good thing it’s not going to finish downloading until about 10 hours from now…Otherwise I would have just doomed all of my attempts at being productive. It would have been literally the exact situation as in the Lord of the Rings when Isildur had to once in a lifetime opportunity to destroy Sauron’s ring…yet he decided that some bling was in order to decorate his pimp hand and to show those Orcs who’s boss. Literally.

Pimp hand, 97% complete.

On the other hand, I recently watched the new version of The Thing and totally had no idea that the new version is actually a prequel to the original. The ending scene is the introduction to the original 1980 something movie. It blew my mind. Not so much as the guy whose mind was literally blown apart by the alien-beetle-copycat thing. But still, close enough. It wasn’t bad I guess. The monster has the ability to mimic any other person and considering this takes place in Antarctica or somewhere similar, you could see that some trust issues are going to come up. Paranoia at it’s finest.

Trust me guys! I’m still human, it was just a scratch. Let me just give you a hug. I’m cold, you’re cold…we can make it work ;D

Anyways, I should probably get back to my homework now…especially if I want to sleep anytime tonight. Oh yea, I always seem to find the best music when I’m trying to do something else. Anyways, I thought I’d leave you all with this. This song makes me so happy! Wish me luck as I try to get through this week specially made from the depths of Hades with the sole purpose of ruining my sole purpose of having fun!

 

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